i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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