Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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