she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
