Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
