Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
