I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize