so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
