if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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