I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
