Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Found your dick twin last night
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
