shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He better not be in your backpack
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
