im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
