We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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