you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize