i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Oh god it's open bar.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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