i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
