Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
