you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
