i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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