Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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