i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
