im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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