OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
