I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize