Don't worry. I has chaperone.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
