I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
