I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
