There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
