Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
worst night to have a conscience
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
