I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
