When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
