the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize