she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Randomize
