and she was petting her beer can
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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