What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
