Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
sarcasm needs its own font
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
