You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
