I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
