if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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