does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Randomize
