It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
