I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
