I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
