Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
