I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize