I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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