Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
