It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just found puke in my bra..
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
