ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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