I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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