I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
