i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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