no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Floor bacon is actually really good
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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