My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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