Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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