I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
