i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
