He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
