Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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