They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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