cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
