My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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