This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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