i'm signing you up for texting rehab
This girl is more easily done than said...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
