Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
