so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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