I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
