Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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