Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
