She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
