I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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