My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
