when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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