It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I need a burrito and a hug.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
